4,200 miles
I just completed a 4,200-mile, cross-country bike trip. I’m at a loss with how far my uncle and I have traveled, the amount of time we’ve been on the road, and the fact that we’re finally here on the Oregon coast after departing from Yorktown, VA on March 22nd.
My friend Doug asked me if I wanted to write something about this ride for Sad Velo. Of course. I was hype, I had so much to speak on, I had all kinds of stories to tell, and I was excited to share my experience. In my mind I had already written some stellar passages filled with epiphanies and once in a lifetime tales from the road.
When it came down to writing it, nothing came out. I prodded Doug for some direction on what he was looking for. Hoping that it was going to be something I could copy and paste from my website and be done with after several failed attempts to put thoughts to paper.
I remember feeling particularly frustrated the week he asked me because I had let the anticipation of finishing take away from and diminish a good portion of stunning rides. As many of you sad folks know, when you’re sitting on a bike for 7-8 hours a day, it’s easy to get caught up in your thoughts -- good or bad.
Let’s flashback to the start of this journey. I was in a particularly low place when I finally decided that I was going to ride my ass across the country on a bicycle, but I had made my mind up. As I started to train and plan, I started to tie all kinds of expectations to the ride. It was going to make me happy again I thought. My mind wandered to having 90 days on the road -- I thought it would be the impetus to me finally feeling like “myself” again. That I’d finally get this closure I wanted from my dad’s suicide and I could move on with my life. I wanted it all. I was ready for 100 mile days and exorcising all the bullshit that surrounded his death.
My training regimen was awesome and I was religious about it. Huge expectations. I planned out the entire 90 days with mileage, elevation, where we’d stay, and even a notes section in an Excel spreadsheet. I scheduled our off days where my uncle planned to fish and I would seamlessly intertwine the ride with my life-changing realizations in the form of a sweeping blog that captivated all the depressed and suicidal individuals I intended to reach.
“Everyone’s got a plan til they get punched in the mouth.” - Iron Mike Tyson
First night, the route was scrapped. We had anticipated riding 87 miles and camping. In reality, we didn’t leave Yorktown until about 4 PM after a wide range of problems and miscalculations. That night we couldn’t find our campsite because neither of us had a flashlight, headlamp, or a bike light. Which resulted in us waking up to four police officers who were upset that we had pitched our tents in a park nearby.
I think ya’ll know where this is going now. Of course I never ended up being happy every day. I never wrote that blog. I didn’t figure all my shit out regarding my pops. But I did ride my ass across the country on a bicycle. Despite the days when I cried over my dad’s death or dissatisfaction with the current state of my life. Regardless of the moments where I was furious with the way I hurt people before I left. Obsessing over the people I’d lost in the last year. When I was entirely overwhelmed from working two jobs, being an entrepreneur with a flowering side business, riding my bike across the country, coordinating a fundraiser, and making a website. I still rode that bike. I still kept pedaling.
Which brings us back to Sad Velo and feeling entirely lost with what to write about. I turned to the website for inspiration. And there, at the bottom of the page I found it. #RideOnCryOn
That shit was cool. It helped me gain perspective on not feeling guilty about the days that I was sad on this trip. I was just hurting myself twice with that nonsense and stealing from my own experience.
I did gain that closure I was searching for, but, ironically it wasn’t in a manner that I expected at all. In fact, it might have been the exact opposite from what I thought I would find.
I miss him a lot. And a lot of people would miss you if you weren’t here any more. Any problem can be solved. Any issue can be worked through. Check in on your sadder homies and let ‘em know that too.
Life’s ride is filled with ups and downs, highs and lows, heartbreak and love, sadness and happiness, it’s all part of the experience. So get ya motherfucking cry on and get your motherfucking ride on.
